Sunday, May 19, 2013

PRESS RELEASE: Prime Minister of Israel

From: Prime Minister of Israel

The State of Israel, reeling from a recent spate of attacks received this message from the cabinet of the United States. It is reproduced in its entirety. We find it utterly abhorrent that the United States would engage in political gamesmanship immediately after a chemical weapon strike on a close ally that left hundreds dead by advancing baseless accusations against the government of Israel. A boat currently sits at harbor in Israel, the MS St. Louis.

"From: Presidential Cabinet Communiqué to Prime Minister of Israel:
To: Israeli Cabinet
Subject: Communique Ultimatum

The United States of America demands for the 14 US detainees in Israel to be returned to the United States, where they will be tried accordingly, immediately. The United States has asked Israel over and over again to return these detainees for the past 6 hours and is currently running out of patience. If the United States does not receive confirmation of return of the 14 US detainees by 10:30 PST, there will be very serious consequences that will jeopardize US-Israel relationships for good. The United States will leak out evidence confirming the torture of the detainees currently being held in Israel and will suspend all military trade and financial aid currently being given to Israel. In addition, Israel will no longer receive US support in the International community. This is a direct threat and while the United States highly values its relationship with Israel, the United States will not sit by and watch another country detain and torture American citizens with complete rights as granted by the American constitution. Such an act would be highly disrespectful to our constitution, our legacy and our nation. The United States and Israel have always had good relationships and would like to continue this partnership. We trust that the Israeli cabinet will make the correct decision that will mutually benefit both our countries and allow prosperous times once again".

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